Connecting with Military Families

Counseling Best Practices for Connecting with Military Families

By: Cindee Oswald, MSW, LCSW

Magellan provides behavioral health counseling to thousands of military families globally through the Military Family Life Counseling (MFLC) program. Our direct work with military children and youth is a cornerstone of supporting them as they grow and learn while being a part of a military family and living within military culture. MFLC counselors also connect with military parents and caregivers to help them better understand the developmental perspective of how their child’s overall mental health and wellbeing can be affected by being military-connected. Building these family relationships is critical to maximizing positive counseling outcomes for our nation’s military children and youth.

MFLC counselors are licensed mental health professionals who have been trained to connect with families in a traditional therapeutic environment. We focus on building rapport, actively listening to each member’s perspective, and fostering open communication and collaboration.

Solution-Focused Therapy

There are many different approaches to strengthening connections with member families, which can be challenging due to infrequent and brief interactions with parents and caregivers. MFLC counseling sessions use solution-focused brief therapeutic interventions. Solution-focused therapy focuses on the present and future, actively seeking ways to create positive change rather than dwelling on the past. It is a future-oriented approach, encouraging clients to envision a desired future and develop steps to achieve it (de Shazer, S., & Dolan, Y., 2007).

MFLC counselors suggest using solution-focused therapy following these four approaches for effective, brief interactions with military families.

Build Rapport and Trust:

• Create a safe and non-judgmental environment: Military families need to feel comfortable sharing their concerns and experiences without fear of criticism. Being available at the front desk or outside of the treatment facility at least once a week during pick-up times. Drop offs are usually rushed, but parents and caregivers might have more time to reach out and talk during pick up.
• Show empathy and understanding: Acknowledge the family’s challenges and validate their feelings. Discuss the child’s behaviors within the program that day or week. Get to know if these behaviors are common in the home environment as well as in the program. Provide an understanding that functioning as a family as well as being a part of the military culture is a stressful environment to live in.
• Be present and attentive: Pay close attention to both verbal and nonverbal cues from parents and caregivers when they arrive to pick up children. Notice if they are dressed up more than usual, in workout clothes, or getting some self-care in before picking up their children for the day. Having a spot where you can be seen, an empty chair, or a place where the parent can sit and talk with you while waiting for a child or before picking up the child can be very helpful.
• Be flexible and adaptable: Understand that each family is unique and tailor your approach accordingly. If you know siblings who are either coming along for pick up or still need to be picked up, include them in your conversation or even assist in walking them to the car.

Actively Listen and Communicate:

• Encourage open communication:
  Create opportunities for family members to express their thoughts and feelings. Provide information and handouts as conversation starters.
• Practice active listening:
  As you are present and attentive, use your observations to open a discussion about what might be going on. Discuss what you have seen within the counseling environment and your clinical impressions, just as insights, not diagnoses. Ask open-ended questions to open further and follow-up discussions.
• Reflect and summarize:
  Paraphrase what family members have said to ensure understanding and build rapport. Discuss with children what they want to share with their parents and how you can assist them in communicating with their parents. When you notice the parent practicing self-care or using healthy stress management skills, provide that positive feedback and validation that you see the efforts they are making for themselves and their family.
• Use non-defensive responses:
  Respond to family members with empathy and understanding, even when they are expressing difficult emotions. Inquire about what solutions they have tried already. Discuss the role of the counselor, what the limits of confidentiality are, and if there are any questions about the program.

Understand Family Dynamics:

• Employ psychoeducation:
  Provide families with information about mental health, communication, and family dynamics. Utilize available psychoeducational information regarding specific family dynamics: communication suggestions for dinner topics, mindfulness activities, and managing transition stress tips.
• Observe family interactions:
  Pay attention to how family members interact with each other during pick-up and drop-off. Discuss your observations with the child, parents, or caregivers. When a parent seems to be in a lighter mood, attempt to ask if any stress management techniques have been put into practice. Assist in helping the child gather their items from the day when you notice their parent is in a hurry, and discuss alternatives that can help in the next similar situation. Let parents know that they can call the center ahead of time and have an older child change into their sporting clothes and self-release in order to meet them in the parking lot next time there is a follow-up appointment. Sometimes parents do not know or remember ways in how the counselor is there to support and relieve some of their stress (Kazak, A. E., & Noll, R. B., 2015).
• Identify power dynamics and communication patterns:
  Understand how family members relate to each other and how communication patterns impact the family system. Provide information to caregivers about the behaviors throughout the day so they can be aware of the evening, such as extra moodiness, tiredness, or hunger.

Collaborate and Empower:

• Involve all family members: When appropriate, encourage participation from all members, including children and teenagers. Even when toddlers come in to pick up older siblings or older siblings come in to pick up their younger siblings with their parents.
• Empower family members: Help them identify their strengths and resources. This is especially important if you have seen changes and positive developments in their behaviors and relationships. Parents often do not receive positive feedback on their children at this age. It is important not only to reach out to parents when there is an issue but to praise them as well (Saleebey, D., 2012).
• Provide ongoing support: Stay in contact with the family and provide ongoing support and guidance. Provide resources specific to the family from organizations such as Military OneSource and Thrive, as well as the on and off base resources that you know of in the area.
• Celebrate successes: Acknowledge and celebrate the family’s progress. Pay attention to changes in behaviors and PCS timelines. Acknowledge with families you may be working with that the stress of being a part of the military community affects the entire family (Park, N., & Riggs, D. S., 2015). Celebrate family time spent together, trips, and the positives about PCSing and deployments.

These are a few suggestions and examples that hopefully can help foster a therapeutic connection with military families, no matter how brief. These solutions emphasize identifying and building on the observed strengths, utilizing known resources, and encouraging successes to live less stressed lives. Do not be afraid to be authentic and build the connections where you can. Keep doing the great work of supporting our military communities, meeting them where they are.