Building Circles

Building Circles
The Importance of Finding a Community Wherever You Land

By: Kensey Lyons

The military lifestyle is one full of excitement, adventure, and constant change but these are often accompanied by stress, anxiety, and loneliness. One factor that weighs heavily on many military members and their families is the isolation that comes from the nomadic nature of frequent permanent change of station (PCS) moves over the course of a Service member’s career (Tong et al., 2018). 

Everyday Burdens Feel Twice as Heavy When Going it Alone 

Humans are, by nature, creatures that live in groups with close familial and social bonds. Military families uproot multiple times over the course of a career, and at each new location, are faced with a choice: build a new circle of people or go it alone. While a strong sense of independence and self-reliance are strengths that most Service members and their family members develop, it is crucial that they reach out at new commands and make the effort to meet people they can absorb into their circle of people that they can rely on. Where a civilian family may have the luxury of grandparents nearby to help with picking up a sick child from school, a cousin who is a great fixer to help around the house, or childhood best friends to recharge with after a long week, a military family often finds themselves alone in a new city with no sources of support (Tong et al., 2018). Certainly, families can hire babysitters, repair companies, and take time for themselves, but there is something incredibly valuable in having an established community or group of people you belong to who become your supporters. Deployments are times when this is especially important. Having people to turn to while a spouse is away allows the spouse at home to have support and companionship. It also gives the deployed Service member the freedom to focus on their mission knowing that their family is supported by a trusted community at home.  

The Military Culture is Built on Shared Experience and Supporting Each Other 

There are a lot of built-in ways for military families to connect with other families. Military and Family Life Counselors (MFLCs) can support them by giving encouragement to take the first step. A command Ombudsman is an excellent resource for connecting families with each other and with important local resources! The Morale, Welfare, and Recreation (MWR) center often holds events and activities where members and their families can meet other families (Ways to Settle In to Your New Home and Community 2024). Military members and families experience many of the same challenges and are often happy to lend a hand when someone needs help. Making those initial connections makes finding support much easier. Meeting people is sometimes not the hardest part; putting in the effort to make plans and build relationships can seem daunting on top of an already busy schedule. For some, knowing that another move is inevitable makes building relationships with people they will have to say goodbye to in a few years seem pointless. While saying goodbye is difficult, life is made richer by having made connections with individuals and having experiences with others, even if only for a short time.  

When working with our military members and families, MFLCs provide a source of support and encouragement but also resources that they can use to strengthen their support system and coping skills outside of the counseling sessions. So make sure to build a community circle to feel connected to wherever you land!